Desperate for a Change
by A Strange Audacity
Summary: Spencer and Toby are in love with each other, but with the forces of A keeping them apart, can they ever be happy? My take on 2x23, Eye of the Beholder. One-shot, may evolve into a two-shot.


Spencer Hastings had officially hit rock bottom. A month ago, she never would have pictured herself going out to a bar, getting drunk, and making out with some guy who she may have known for a long time, but meant nothing to her. How could she possibly have sunk this low?

She knew the answer: Toby Cavanaugh. Sure, she may have been the one to break up with him, but it was the last thing she wanted. Before A commanded her to "Keep Toby safe," Spencer hadn't truly hated her malicious torturer. She didn't appreciate the constant threats and pain that A inflicted, but before Dr. Sullivan went missing, she hadn't suffered nearly as much pain as she did when she had to tell him that they didn't feel the same way about each other.

Her despair was only heightened when A made an attempt on his life (but really only broke his arm) and she knew that she had to resort to far more drastic measures. It almost killed Spencer to tell Emily to utter those words, the words saying that she had cheated on Toby with Wren. Now, she was stuck in a constant state of unhappiness. Yes, she had the girls, and she had Wren (not that she really wanted him), but no one could compare to Toby.

She sat with Aria, Hanna, and Emily at Lucky Leon's Cupcakes. They were getting coffee before school and discussing the connection between Alison-aka-Vivian and Duncan, but Spencer's mind was barely there. Ever since Toby left Rosewood, it had been harder to concentrate on the everyday, the mundane. She wasn't depressed, exactly, but she was going to head there if she didn't get a burst of happiness soon.

A car pulled up to the curb in front of Lucky Leon's. Spencer glanced over at it and realized that it looked familiar – _too _familiar. But she didn't say anything; there must have been a million cars in Rosewood exactly like that one.

The left door in the back opened, and a stick – Jenna's stick – appeared. All of the other girls turned around to look at the car as well, and watched as Jenna Marshall, who had been absent from school for weeks, stepped out. Then, as if she was in a dream, Toby exited from the opposite side.

Spencer, shocked, stood up from the table. He had gotten a haircut, and he looked more gorgeous than ever. But that was beside the point! What was he doing back here, she thought to herself as she kept her eyes fixed on him. He looked over at her, and she gave him a little half-smile. He just glared, looked away, and cast one furtive glance back at her before disappearing with Jenna.

"Spence. Spence, are you okay?" she heard one of the girls, probably Aria, say. _No, I'm not okay! _She wanted to respond, but that would have just made it worse. She only slipped back into the table mutely.

Emily took her hand. "Seriously. Are you okay?"

Spencer shook her head. "How can he be back?" she asked, still stunned.

Hanna sighed. "Maybe it's a good thing, you know? Maybe you two can work everything out."

Spencer gave her a haughty look. "How would that work with A around?"

Hanna slumped down in her seat. "So I'm a romantic."

Spencer wanted to apologize for snapping at her, but she was too miserable. Now, she would probably be subjected to seeing Toby on a regular basis, even though he still hated her and she still loved him. A constantly stirred up drama in their lives, but surely this had to be the worst so far.

•••

The next day at school, Spencer separated from the rest of her friends as well as Mona to get on her way to class. She had decided to flush her mind of Toby – what happened had happened, and it wasn't as if there was much she could do to change it. She hated feeling so helpless, but it there just weren't any alternatives, at least not while A was involved.

There was a stack of forms that Spencer's AP Russian History teacher, Mr. McAdam, had asked her to give to the principal (everyone knew that a Hastings was to be trusted with anything), so she headed in the direction of the administration.

Just as she turned into the hallway leading to the principal's office, none other than Toby Cavanaugh turned into the same hallway from the other end. Spencer bit her lip and smiled a little bit, somewhat happy to see her ex. He, on the other hand, wore a fierce glower, obviously not pleased about the encounter.

"Hello," she said, laughing a little at the strangeness of the situation.

"Hello," he replied coolly.

"You're back. I mean, o-obviously you're back… Here you are!" Spencer hated herself for sounding so positively dumb, like there wasn't anything better to state than the obvious.

"Yeah, we're back." Judging by his tone, there was nowhere Toby wouldn't rather be than in that hall.

"Are you okay?"

"Fine." But his arms were crossed sullenly across his chest like he was anything but fine.

"Jenna's eye…" Spencer pointed to her own eye, just for demonstration purposes. "Sh-she got the surgery."

"Yeah, she did." Toby raised his eyebrows in a way that conveyed the message, _Are you done talking yet? _

"Just the one eye?" She was determined to make a friendly conversation with him, no matter how much he seemed to despise it – and her.

"They're doing one eye at a time."

"How did it go?"

"Well, we don't know yet."

Spencer nodded and paused, not really sure where to go. "I was surprised to see you guys together."

He looked her square in the eye, as if challenging her authority. "Why?"

"I-I don't know," she answered lamely. It felt like, for once, the great Spencer Hastings had been mentally defeated, but she wasn't ready to give up yet. "I do, actually. You went through so much to get away from her, and now you're just back to guiding her around?"

He looked like he was getting irritated. "Not for much longer. Besides, she's my sister."

That infuriated Spencer. Did he really manage to forget all the damage Jenna had caused him. "_Step-_sister," she corrected, getting into an argumentative mood.

He gave her a calculating look. "She's been through a lot," he said, but there were traces of doubt in his voice. "Worse than any of us." She was somewhat relieved to hear that Toby identified with "us," not "you guys." Maybe there was still some hope. He continued with a determined tone, "That's coming to an end." An almost-smirk crossed his face. "You better get used to that idea."

"Toby," she said quietly, approaching him with a step, "I've been thinking a lot about us." Screw A. Screw all the pain and misery that bitch put the girls through. Spencer was still in love with Toby, and she would do anything to fight for him.

She waited for a warm response, but he just glared coldly at her. "It's a little late for that, isn't it?"

And suddenly, all the heartbreak came rushing back to her. Every tiny ounce of hurt that their original break-up had caused came bubbling back to the surface.

The door to the principal's office swung open. "Toby?" Jenna asked. Spencer was almost relieved to have her interrupt their conversation. "Spencer, is that you?" Her tone was self-assured, like she didn't even have to ask. After Spencer muttered her confirmation, Jenna just smiled in that regal manner she had mastered so long ago. "I thought so."

As the stepsiblings walked back into the main hall, Spencer leaned against the wall and squeezed her eyes shut. Why did her life have to be so miserable sometimes?

•••

That night, Hanna came over to the Hastings house and spilled out a story about how she and Mona had engaged in some grand scheme to get Toby to realize that Spencer was the girl for him or whatever.

She appreciated the effort, but it was hopeless. Toby had transformed from the guy Spencer knew into someone who was the polar opposite of her old self. He had (possibly) tipped the police off about The Jenna Thing, which would be devastating to the girls, and he was basically shutting himself off from the world.

Spencer just had to clear her head. She and Emily would talk to Jason about Ali's things, then she'd have a calm night, maybe take a bubble bath or something. She wanted to shut herself off from the drama.

•••

And of course, a day later, she had landed herself in the hospital. Spencer and Hanna had just barely saved Jenna from the fire at Jason DiLaurentis's house and now she was waiting to get a huge chunk of glass pulled out of her hand.

"Hello, Spencer," a man's clipped, charming British accent said. She knew that accent, and she didn't want to hear it, at least not that day.

"Hi, Wren," she replied wearily. "It's… nice to see you."

"I'm not Wren today," he corrected. "I'm Dr. Kingston."

_Are there no other doctors at this hospital? _she wanted to exclaim. "Great," she sighed, and followed him back to the exam room.

•••

Toby crossed the corridor of Rosewood Memorial Hospital, arms folded across his chest. It was strange to be back in town, but it felt good to see Spencer – though he hated the fact that he had to act like he didn't care about her.

When he moved away, it wasn't to get away from her, it was to find Dr. Sullivan. He had noticed a change in all the girls once she disappeared, so he decided to go find the answer for himself, and the therapist had explained that someone was forcing the girls to do terrible, heinous things against their will.

He just wanted to wrap his arms around Spencer, and kiss her, maybe even beat her in Scrabble. Just one little game would make him happy again, but for the time being, he was just desperate for a change.

Toby stopped walking when he heard a familiar voice – _Spencer's _voice. He peeked in an exam room, where she was getting glass pulled out of her hand by that despicable doctor. He pressed himself against the wall, eager to hear the conversation.

He couldn't pick up a lot of the details, but there was definitely a snippet about not regretting anything. His stomach churned at this – he thought that Spencer didn't have any feelings for Wren, after all. Maybe in his absence, she had suddenly developed them.

Toby shook his head. Whoever might be trying to drive a wedge between him and Spencer would just have to keep trying, because he refused to give up on her, no matter what might happen.

•••

Spencer watched as her mother talked to Jason. It seemed like such a strange thing, for them to be getting along (or at least being civil to each other), but she appreciated it, for the most part.

She heard footsteps coming up behind her. "Spencer," Toby said, a slight hesitation in his voice, "Can we talk?"

She glared at him, not eager to chat after their experience the other day. "What about?"

"About us."

"It's a little late for that, isn't it?" she mocked. She was mad, and wasn't swayed easily.

He rolled his eyes. "I'm sorry, okay? I was being a jerk."

She nodded smugly. "Yes, you were. So… you wanted to talk?"

"Yeah." He thought about the plan that had been formulating in his mind. "I just have one question." She gave him a 'go ahead' gesture. "I was wondering… why would you cheat on me?"

She glanced down at the ground, oblivious as to how she should respond. "I-i…"

He smiled confidently. "I knew it! You weren't with Wren, were you?"

She tried desperately to cling onto her lie. "I was! I just, um, I don't…" Her voice trailed off again, and Spencer realized that she sounded moronic.

"Would it have anything to do with A?" he questioned, as if it was a totally normal thing to ask."

"How did you know about A?" she panicked. "Who told you? Ignore whatever they said, okay?"

Toby laughed. "Dr. Sullivan told me."

Spencer was incredibly baffled at this point. "Dr. Sullivan?"

"It's a long story." He smiled and took her hands. "Point is, I know that you didn't cheat on me."

She shook her head adamantly. "We can't… you need to be safe, and you could never be with me."

He looked at her, his eyes serious. "I would lock myself up in my house all day long if it means that I can be with you."

Spencer giggled despite herself. "We would never work."

Toby leaned in closer to her and dropped his voice to a low murmur. "We could if we wanted to."

"Toby," she moaned, deliriously happy but also nervous. "Don't make me want to fall in love with you again."

"It's not too late already?" he asked, mock-hurt.

"It's too late," she admitted grudgingly.

He smiled, pushed a strand of her hair back, and kissed her softly.

•••

They were dysfunctional, messed-up, tragedy-struck, and yet somehow, Spencer and Toby worked.

**A/N: So I was thinking, that, if you guys like it, I would make it a two-shot with the second chapter taking place during the masquerade ball and the unmAsking of A. What do you think? Also, feedback is always appreciated, so please drop a review!**


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